Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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