i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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