it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
