i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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