I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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