I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
