I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
