i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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