In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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