Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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