he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
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i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
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Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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