If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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