Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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