Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
