"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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