did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
