How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
