So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
