Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She bit a glass in half.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
