Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
