He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
