addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
