yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
you made out with another girl for some wings
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
