girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
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I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
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He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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