i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
