I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements