toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?