matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer