do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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