so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
