cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I am midnight drunk by noon
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame