What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked