6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
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If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
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I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.