and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.