Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.