You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
