Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
