Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
