What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
