someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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