I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
