youre lurking in front of me
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
