I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
