Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
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