We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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