ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
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Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i now understand why vodka
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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