Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
