I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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