I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
