i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
