so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
