please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
