Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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