New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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