I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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