Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
organizing the empties. That sober.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
