Kiss
Puke
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
