She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
