The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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