Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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