and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You pole danced in your parka.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
