all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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