that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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