It's like God shit irony all over that family
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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